It’s hard to believe it’s been six months since my last surgery. I don’t know six months ago I was so full of hope that after the pain of recovery all my issues would go away and I would miraculously be fine and back to my old self. Instead today I woke up after a night of tossing and turning and running to the bathroom, tired, cranky and a little sad (ok really sad).

Progress has been slow and hard. I still try to stay positive but it just seems like my colon wants to stay inflamed. It’s the normal state of being really…pain, discomfort, exhausted. I’ve been trying to get back to a normal life going to events and spending time with family and friends, but it’s difficult. Every attempt at normalcy just lands me even worse off then I was feeling before.

Is it bad that I rather suffer through excruciating pain because the thought of going back to the emergency room actually gives me PTSD?

The last month has been full of ups and downs, changes in my life, and my health just isn’t cooperating. I’m tired of being tired. It’s been difficult because lately I can’t even talk about the pain because it just makes me feel so hopeless.

Hopefully things are bit better and the next post is a lot more upbeat. The struggle is real a lot realer than I even admit to myself at times. I really need a breakthrough.